Does your * key mute or mute and give a beep when you press it?
It's not unusual for this part to not be coded and it definitely works with the iPhone 3G. It works independently of the 3gs and works with any phone.
If it just mutes you'll need to get the steering wheel coded, I have the details on my website how to do this but it does require either a dealer or someone with Vagcom/VCDS to perform the work.
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