Whinging POM's... Welcome to Australia!!

[Blitzen]

August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home
in Karratha , Western Australia . Now this is a town that knows how to
live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the
sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've
finally found my new home. I love it here.

September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem
though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper.

September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants
today.
Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher
today, but I love it here.

October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatising is taking longer than I
expected.

October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns
over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do!
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car
before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car
after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag
and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat
****.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant ****in' blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink
and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs
to order parts from ****in' Perth ....

October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still
haven't arrived for the ****in' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the
pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go
inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets
the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it
feel about 30. Stupid repairman.

November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to ****in' throttle him. ****in' heat! By the time I get to work,
the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking ****in' wet
and I smell like baked cat!



November 9 Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my ****in' arse
was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my
legs and my ****in' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse
and baked cat!

November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a ****in' recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ****in' sunny! It's been too hot
to do anything for two ****in' months and the weatherman says it might
really warm up next week.

November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn ****in' place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up
and blow into the ****in' pool. The only things that thrive in this
hell-hole are the ****in' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear
of swallowing half a dozen of the bastards!

November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 ****in' degrees today. Now
the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and
said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage
payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid ********.
****in'
Karratha! What kind of sick, demented ****in' idiot would want to live
here?!

December 1 - WHAT!!!! The first day of Summer!!!! You are ****in'
kidding!??

[Jarred]

Bahahahhaha

I lol'd./