Man-flu... The insidious threat to all men...

[Blitzen]

Man Flu - The Facts...

1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.

3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' – which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.

4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.

5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple requests for care, sympathy, soup and regular exposure of womanly parts are met. Is that really so much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it.

6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).

7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known.

8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell off.

9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu.

10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying ‘Two and a Half Men” it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of Charlie Sheen’s voice has remarkable soothing powers.

Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them soup, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together.

[Frankenstrat]

So utterly true, with Man-Flu your life is hanging by a thread. That thread is thinner than a human hair. A human hair is all that's between you and an agonising, slow, painful demise. Man-Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

[woofy]

So utterly true, with Man-Flu your life is hanging by a thread. That thread is thinner than a human hair. A human hair is all that's between you and an agonising, slow, painful demise. Man-Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

I don't get manflu, my wife however does, the minute she is sick she heads into bed and will pretty much stay there leaving me with the kids. I once had an awful fever and felt I was going to pass out, but still had to put all the kids into bed, instead of doing her trick...and then collapsed in bed with those awful dreams you have.

I was interstate in Sydney last November in meetings the entire day when I got that same awful fever, horrible cold coming feeling. I rode out the meetings all day trying to unsuccessfully hide my shaking body and the fact I could hardly read anything any more and decided that I would skip the Christmas party and go straight to the hotel room once the day was over. By 4pm with an hr to go, I suddenly felt natious and had to bolt across the corporate park to the toilet where I had the most violent vomiting of my life. I then grabbed my stuff, got a taxi and held my head out the window into Darling Harbour where I ran to the closest bathroom to do it all again. After checking it, I frantically searched for my room number and did it again. I then spent the night in the hotel wondering how the hell I was going to make my flgiht then end of the next day (Friday) and decided I was stuck there for the weekend most likely if I could even keep my room. I was also wondering what would happen if I passed out or something, hopefully someone would have looked for me I guess. Thankfully I recovered from the nausea about 9am so went to work again, but that cold developed into the worst thing I have had in years, my eyes were bloodshot from how hard I had to blow....ugh...my face hurt....that's the closest to manflu I have ever had, I don't want to ever see that again.