$4,085.00 oil change

[sports racer]

Oil Change instructions for Women :
1) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee, read free paper.
3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00



Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
2) Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under caravan.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among rubbish in wheely bin to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
1 Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine..
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin swearing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
2 Beer.
29) Cleanup hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
3 Car is impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2400.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,085.00
But you know the job was done right!

[Tonz]

and....so...... your problem being?

[sports racer]

Step 39

My wife would just laugh and laugh and laugh. I'd probably still be in jail.

[dero]

Where do you get your $2.00 coffee from?

[sports racer]

Don't all small country towns charge $2 ?

[gldgti]

Sounds like mollins and I yesterday. After sucessfully replacing the dpf in his T5 Caravelle, he says "I'll just do a quick oil change"

1) Locate oil filter housing
2) Remove power steering reservior
3) Try to remove intercooler pipe
4) Make a tool to remove intercooler pipe clips
5) Try to remove intercooler pipe
6) Swear a bit
7) Laugh a bit
Try again
9) Look at it
10) notice flange on intercooler is bent
11) Make room for screwdriver
12) bend back flange so intercooler pipe can be removed
13) remove intercooler pipe
14) remove filter housing
15) Notice filter supplied by dealer is no the same as removed one
16) Swear and gesticulate
17) Call up supercheap and ask if they have a filter
1 Go to supercheap, buy filter. Spend $50.90 on a ryco oil filter!
19) Come home, change filter.
20) Get oil out ready to put in the engine.
21) Notice that owners manual says capacity is 7.4L, but dealer sold 6.0L of oil saying it is the right amount.
22) Notice the time is after 5pm on a saturday.
23) Ring around all the servos in area. See if anyone understands what VW approval 504/507 is. Nobody does.
24) Visit all the servos to no avail.
25) Get some dinner.
27) Try one more servo
2 Find a 1l bottle of approved oil at final servo for $26.
29) Go home, eat dinner
30) Put 7.4l of vw approved 5w-30 oil in the car - 6 of castrol, 1 of shell, 0.4 of penrite.
31) Test drive, do a forced regen.
32) Go home!

[sports racer]