Lol, that's helpful!
Assuming your car is still under warranty, any oil that you use must be approved to a VW oil standard, of which there are several.
The latest one is VW 504.00/507.00 and a list of approved oils is available here: (link).
There is also an older oil standard, VW 502.00/505.00, but not sure if you can use these oils.
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