by the time I got it to work I'd bought 3 cables, first I didn't realise the CH304 chip wouldn't work, so I read more and found that the cable needs to have the FT232 chip, so I bought one of those, but when it arrived it had a CH304 chip, so then I bought this cable from this seller

VAG COM KKL OBD2 USB Cable FTDI FT232RL Chip + 2x2 Cable for VCDS Lite US SHIP 603281795254 | eBay

but mine was $30 and came from Sydney (location said it was in Sydney, arrived in a few days)